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Sunday, April 18, 2021

The List: What’s out, what’s in for 2016

You don’t want to be a loser, so, listen, okay, this is going to be huge. HUGE. Earlier I turned on the television and there was a new poll – did you see the new poll? Ronda Rousey is down, but Saint West is soaring. Pizza rat, Jon Stewart, Don Draper – done, finished, total disasters, nobody cares. And me? Did Hillary hire me? Will you hire me? I mean, Hello, it’s me . . . I’m winning, and all I want to do is MAKE 2016 GREAT AGAIN.

Look, in 2015, there were no gaffes, only honesty, the truth. Which, you know – and I’ve been saying this all my life – has nothing to do with facts. We’re white and yellow AND blue and black. Don’t believe me? Just watch, I have hundreds of people that agree with me. The bomb was a clock and the balls were deflated, gay people are marrying without being stopped by a clerk from Kentucky, and police officers are shooting people on camera. We’re all hashtagging against terrorism then hashtagging for National Donut Day, while checking the Bei Bei-cam and the Paul Ryan beard-cam so we can Finstagram it. See? People of this country are sick and tired of this incompetent crap.

So I built a list. A great list, a beautiful list – and nobody builds lists better than me, believe me. The best people told me what is coming, the smartest people, extremely credible sources. Follow The List, and you will be a total winner, a really nice guy. Don’t like it? Well, you’re fired.

OUT – IN

Endorsements – Retweets

Waiting for a Frank Ocean album -Waiting for a Zayn Malik album

Vetements – Demna Gvasalia

Vine stars –Twitch streamers

Piecaken – Cherpumple

Nudity – Personality

Pluto – Quaoar

Thoughts and prayers – Background checks

Boomtowns – Boomertowns

Dinosaurs– Fantastic Beasts

Transgender moment – Genderqueer moment

Amy Schumer – Issa Rae

Downton Abbey – Mercy Street

Swiping – Sighing

Intelligence – Artificial Intelligence

Athleisure – Dressing up

Late-night Merlot with the Speaker –Early-morning workouts with the Speaker

Anniversaries – Birthdays

Mars water – Fat water

Meal kits – Meat lockers

Lunchables – Injectables

Yeezy Boost –RiRi Creeper

Ride sharing – Sharing your ride sharing

Ghosting – Casper

Wine Country – Pot Country

Momofuku – Momotombo

Bar carts – Dressing tables

Instant gratification – Perpetual discontent

Abandoning Afghanistan – Commercializing Cuba

Raúl Castro – Julian Castro

Sparking joy – Sparking controversy

YikYak – After School

Your brand – Your scent

Cider – Mead

McConaissance –Winonaissance

Selfie sticks – Phone umbrellas

Giving it away for free – Charging for it

Neil deGrasse Tyson – Bill Nye

Ladyship – Womanhood

Trash to table – Farm to Face

Kacey Musgraves –Maren Morris

Lebron hair – Iman hair

Squad goals – Squid goals

Walls – Ceilings

“Are you on Venmo” – “Are you on Slack”

Unicorns – Magic Leap

Supergirl – Jessica Jones

Raven-Symoné – Simone Biles

White – Simply White

Iowa – Florida

Popups – “Experience retail”

PARO – Pepper

Indoor trees – Indoor moss

Data – Metadata

Open letters – Open salaries

No tip restaurants – Medium plates

Pulp – Pulses

Kobe retirement tour – Biden retirement tour

The Uber/Tinder/Netflix for [a thing] – [The thing]

Diverse – Normal

– – –

The Washington Post’s Veronica Toney, Ben Terris, Bethonie Butler, Caitlin Moore, Chris Richards, Dan Zak, David Malitz, Emily Heil, Emily Yahr, Hank Stuever, Joe Yonan, Joel Achenbach, Julia Carpenter, Jura Koncius, Lavanya Ramanathan, Matt Bonesteel, Maura Judkis, Monica Hesse, Paul Kane, Robin Givhan, Sarah Larimer, Scott Allen, Soraya Nadia McDonald, Stephanie Merry, Tim Bontemps and Tom Sietsema contributed to this report.

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