War, hurricanes, earthquakes, disease, nuclear missiles, a solar eclipse, rising sea levels, dictators, madmen and cold brew coffee. Yep, it’s obviously the end of the world.
The latest prediction says that the end of times arrives Saturday, Sept. 23. So put off mowing that lawn as long as possible. It’s the end of the world, so who cares about winning lawn of the month?
This latest apocalyptic prediction of pestilence and plague comes courtesy of David Meade, who bases his prediction on calculations and inferences related to the number 33 and something about the planet Nibiru. Why Saturday, Sept. 23, you ask? That’s 33 days after the solar eclipse, isn’t that obvious? NASA, by the way, is not playing along. It says that the planet Nibiru doesn’t exist. Right – they probably don’t believe in Bigfoot either.
I’m actually surprised there haven’t been more predictions of the apocalypse of late. I mean, the hurricanes and earthquakes alone should awaken these people who walk around with the modern media equivalent of “The end is near,” signs. .
For some reason, I happened to channel surf past The Hal Lindsey Report on some channel the other night. Lindsey should be in his element. After all, he made his coin as the author of The Late, Great Planet Earth in the 1970s. It seemed every religion student I went to college with carried it around like, well, like the Bible. They were enraptured of the Rapture, a prediction of end time events when all Christian believers – living and resurrected dead – will rise into the sky, etc. I’m sure we’ve all seen bumper stickers that say: “In case of Rapture, this vehicle will be unmanned,” which may even be worse than texting while driving.
Lindsey has been trumpeting the end of the world for decades, though he’s smart enough not to put a fixed date on the end. So when I saw his TV program, I figured he would be jumping up and down with tales of hurricanes, earthquakes, rampant drug use, etc. But Lindsey’s version of jumping up and down in excitement consists of sitting in a chair like Walter Cronkite and delivering news of these apocalyptic signs in a nasal, Tulsa monotone that is likely to lead one to sleep through doomsday. “Oh look, Mabel, a lamb having seven horns and seven eyes. Hand me the remote would you? It’s next to the cheddar popcorn.” He sounds more like a beaten-down dad whose kids have convinced him to go to McDonald’s for the fifth time in one week.
Man, if the apocalypse is that boring count me out. If you want a more action-oriented apocalypse, head to YouTube, that’s where the folk a few casseroles short of a church social hang out. Type in “firestorm of the Golden Empire” and watch the fireworks. One, by Dr. David Jeremiah (not sure I believe that’s his real name) actually has some pretty decent cinematography for the apocalypse. Good job Dr. Jeremiah, or whoever your cinematography intern is.
There’s another website called Unsealed that even has something called a “Rapture Index Score” and guess what? We’re in the red zone.
See you on the other side of Sept. 23 – if that darn planet Nibiru will stay put, that is.
Robert Francis is editor of the Fort Worth Business Press.